Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
