he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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