she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
