I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
