If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
