i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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