I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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