Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
