Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
