Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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