I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
