If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
