I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
