I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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