I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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