shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
