i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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