i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
