who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
