im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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