yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i now understand why vodka
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
