This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
