you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
