I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
