I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
