farters have to be the big spoon...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
