I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This beer is not sobering me up at all
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
