I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
