Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
This is classic penis vs brain.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
