I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
