I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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