its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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