Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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