nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
