did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
