I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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