dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
