Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
