So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
sex in a hospital.. check
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
