i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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