I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
