he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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