So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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