these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
