Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
