i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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