No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
