Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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