just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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