Will you blow on my dice?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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