what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
